Although I have experienced being married, I have felt a lot of ups and downs as a single woman as well. It truly hit me, when I became a single mother. Unlike the circumstance of becoming a single mother in cases such as death of a spouse, rape or other things beyond one’s control, I now want to touch my own story. No, I was not raped or had a husband pass away, but I was with someone I knew was not the one for me. However, I chose to be with him. This brings me back to the story of Hagar once again.
At first, we explored that she became pregnant beyond her control. Abraham and Sarah did not wait on God for the promised child so she lied with Abraham to bear him a son (Ishmael). One thing I noticed in Genesis 16:1-5 is that Hagar made a wrong judgement call by being disrespectful and angry. When she found out she was pregnant she began to treat Sarah like dirt. Mind you, Hagar was her maidservant. This in turn caused Sarah to be abusive to her. In the midst of this, Hagar then decided to run away.
While in the desert, God told her to return back to Abraham and Sarah and take the abuse. Take the abuse? How many times have you been in a situation, wanted to leave and you clearly heard something say “Stay” How many times have you walked out the door, got in your car, found a new place to stay and God said “Go Back”. Am I the only one?
At the time I found out I was pregnant, I just left the man I was with. I was slowly getting my life back together. I became angry, then scared because I then had to go back, call this man and tell him the news. I thought this was a cruel joke God was playing on me for some sin I must have committed in the past. Not thinking, that the sin I committed was indeed fornication. I figured when I was getting everything in order in my life, when I asked for forgiveness, that was that. Like Hagar, I was angry and then I became scared because the whole time I did not know I was pregnant, I had a few drinks here and there. I even thought to go against my beliefs and abort the child. My main reason was because so I would not have to deal with the father of my baby. How selfish of me? The thought of wanting to destroy a life, just because I did want to face my own mistake and wrong call of judgement.
My situation turned similar to Hagar in the desert. God wanted me to go back to a place I did not want to go and deal with the situation. There was no running, No aborting. No hiding. I know Hagar wished she could stay in the desert, but God then told her there was a promise in the midst of the chaos. The child she was carrying would be the start of another nation. She would also bare even more children. He was going to take care of her. He will also take care of you. I recall having to unveil my feelings of guilt and shame. I had to deal. If you are a single mother by your own wrong judgement, do not be ashamed. God has indeed forgiven you. However, you have to deal with all that comes with being a mother of a “fatherless child”
There are numerous success stories that a child of a single woman thanks them when they become of age. You can do it. You are free from your past. You are raising a mighty warrior for the kingdom. You cannot run! Your child needs you to stay strong and endure. There may be tears at times but joy will come. There is joy in motherhood. However, not every single woman experiences motherhood. Some have fornicated and the result was not pregnancy but an emotional roller coaster ... (to be continued)